At one of our conferences, a man boasted to me, "You know, I've been married for 24 years and I've never once apologized to my wife for anything I've done wrong.""Oh, really?" I said, with a tone that urged him to tell me more.
"Yeah," he said with obvious pride. "Every time we get into a squabble or any kind of disagreement, I just tell her, 'I'm sorry you're mad at me.' I don't admit anything-I just tell her it's too bad she had to get so mad." Then, with a cheesy grin, he admitted, "And all these years she's never realized that I have never once apologized."
It's amazing how many people behave like children trying to weasel out of punishment after getting caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Yet the Scripture is clear: A failure to seek forgiveness and to forgive results in an angry heart, resentment and bitterness. Left to run their unrestrained courses, these emotions will destroy a relationship.
In Ephesians, Paul tells us to put away bitterness and wrath, but he doesn't leave it there; he tells us how. Look at verse 32: "And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other."
Forgiveness makes long-term relationships possible. It keeps our slates clean.
As difficult as it is to ask for forgiveness, it's equally hard to grant it when you have been wronged. You can tell if you have forgiven your mate by asking one question: "Have I given up my desire to punish my mate?" When you let that desire go, you free your spouse and yourself from the bonds of your anger.
It's liberating to admit you're wrong, and it's even more liberating when the other person forgives and says, "That's okay-everybody makes mistakes."